Thursday, 9 March 2017

Donald Trump is to blame for everything

Home Truths column in The Australian, in which I realise bad luck and trouble can be laid at the feet of one tiny-handed speaker of post-truth to power. Blame Trump! 
After a 2016 of moderate to extreme suckage on both a personal and global level, 2017 dawned with a rosy optimism and a feeling that things could only get better. It was time to put to rest a year where heroes dropped like flies, zeros rose like champagne bubbles and my health and wealth barometer plunged sharply southward, and go forth into the new year and prosper.
But suddenly, in short order, everything has gone to the dogs. A blissful visit from my overseas-dwelling girlfriend was cut brutally short when her mother collapsed and was rushed to hospital for heart surgery. I was confronted with having to deal with the reality of divorce for the second time around. And then to top it all off, from a reasonably busy street outside a major shopping location in broad daylight, some bastard with a boltcutter stole my bike, the one gadget in my life that had brought some happiness and a sense of freedom (after a shaky start with a bad crash), allowing me to begin to get fit again after a bout of pneumonia.
My bike had carried me to Bondi and Botany Bay, over the Parramatta River and along the Cooks River, through mangroves at Homebush, around the Iron Cove and, thrillingly, over the Sydney Harbour Bridge to Kirribilli, Mosman and Manly, from Gladesville to Ryde, and Rydalmere and Clyde.
I’d felt my legs grow stronger, along with my lungs, as hills that had thwarted me and seemed like endless mountains gradually become molehills. I rode it to work and back, on errands, and on my days off, I’d head off into the unknown with a vague new destination and Google Maps as my guide. Having laughed at first at the warriors, it wasn’t long before I invested in a couple of pairs of padded Lycra bike shorts, for added comfort after hours in the saddle.
There were even some sleepless nights where at some ungodly hour I wheeled my bike down the stairs as quietly as I could, flicked on my flashing lights, and coasted out into the night, gasping like a madman up the steepest hills I could conquer and shrieking like a werewolf down the other sides.
Basically, I just wanted to ride my bicycle. It had almost become an extension of my body. So when I turned a corner, returning from shopping, to see a void where my steed should have stood, the air went out of me like a punctured tyre and I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. All that was left was the snipped lock coiled on the ground, testament to the brazen crime, taunting me.
I was subsumed by a towering rage.
A primal scream curdled in my throat as I snatched up the broken bike lock, and then a great shadow passed across the sun and I was struck by as vivid an epiphany as any of the hallucinatory visions in the Revelation of St John.
To err is human, to forgive divine. But truly blessed is he who shifts the blame onto his fellow man. Suddenly it all became clear. There was no point blaming myself, or railing at the gods. I didn’t need to blame Canada or the Kiwis, or blame it on the boogie, or the bogeyman.
I realised my problems, along with most of the troubles plaguing our planet, could be laid at the feet of one man: Donald Trump.
Things were just fine until a few weeks ago, then that doofus as POTUS took office and everything went pear-shaped. So I blame that tiny-handed speaker of post-truth to power. I blame that chump Trump. He’s been blamed for everything else. The seers have moved the hands on the Doomsday Clock closer to midnight. A Penn State professor, Michael Mann, visiting Sydney last week, warned Trump might well cause the end of the world. So he might as well take the blame for my missing bike.
In the future, the last surviving remnants of humanity will send a killer cyborg back through time to take out the antichrist superstar, the devil’s apprentice who is to blame for all human misery and who ushered in the end times.
Until that day, when anything goes wrong, I simply unfurl my bony finger of blame in the general direction of Donald J. Trump.
Amazing grace. Sweet catharsis. The yoke has been lifted. A great weight removed. Try it. You may like it. Just blame Trump.

4 comments:

  1. PEZZO DI MERDA ANGELO BOCCHINO DI VILLA VIGNOLA HOTEL AND RESTAURANT VASTO, RICICLA TANTI SOLDI DI MAFIA, NDRANGHETA E CAMORRA. SPECIE DEI CAMORRISTI MOCCIA (I NOTI ASSASSINI: PADRONI DEL MOLISE). SONO STEVEN DOWNHAM, SUO EX COLLEGA DI CANTOR FITZGERALD. LO SMERDERO'!


    CIAO A TUTTI. PER ORA, QUI A SEGUITO, IL TESTO IN INGLESE. APPENA TROVO IL TEMPO, QUI NELLA CITY DI LONDRA OVE LAVORO, PREPARERO' ANCHE IL TESTO IN "BERLUSCONICCHIO". VAMOS, VAMOS, VAMONOS!


    HI GOOD FELLAS. I'M STEVEN DOWNHAM, YOUR EXTREMELY REVOLUTIONARY, BRAND NEW "CHE GUEVARA" FROM CANTOR FITZGERALD LONDON! YES, EXACTLY SO. I AM KNOWN ALL OVER THE WORLD AS "THE CITI'S CHE GUEVARA ( CAUSE OF THAT, NAZIFASCIST BANKERS FROM SG WARBURG, FIRST, AND CREDIT SUISSE FIRST BOSTON, SECOND (ON ORDER OF THAT BASTARD PEDOPHILE OF ROBIN MAC DONALD, EX GOLDMAN SACHS AND INDEED EX CREDIT SUISSE FIRST BOSTON), BOTH FIRED ME.. I HOPE THAT WDN'T HAPPEN AGAIN, NOW, WITH CANTOR FITZGERALD LONDON, TO TELL THE TRUTH, BUT I'LL GO AHEAD ANYWAY WITH SCREAMING AND SHOUTING ON INTERNET.. IN A VERY VERY VERY REBEL WAY.. IF NOT, WHY SHOULD THEY CALL ME "CITI'S CHE GUEVARA"?!)!!!
    https://www.linkedin.com/in/steven-downham-099a3942
    I'M AN HIGH DEGREE FREEMASON ( AND THAT PROTECTS ME A LOT... THEY ALWAYS FIND ME A NEW PLACE WHERE TO GO TO WORK, WHEN I NEED IT.. AND WITHIN MINUTES.. TIME OF A PHONE CALL...IS JUST A QUESTION TO TAKE THEM OUT FOR A FUNNY NIGHT.. GIVING THEM LOT OF SEX WITH KIND OF SILVIO BERLUSCONI'S HOT UNDER AGE BITCHES.. GIVING THEM LOT OF DRINKS...GIVING THEM GOOD CASH FOR THEIR VICES... GIVING THEM LOT OF WHITE LINES... AND AT THAT POINT... WITHIN 24 HOURS.. IF I NEED IT... I ALWAYS GET A NEW JOB). BEING A FREEMASON, I USUALLY GET VERY BRIBED TOO. ESPECIALLY FROM ITALY, VIA MY EX COLLEAGUE, A VERY CRIMINAL GUY, CLOSE TO MAFIA, NDRANGHETA AND ESPECIALLY CAMORRA: ANGELO BOCCHINO, EX CANTOR FITZGERALD MILAN, NOW BY VILLA VIGNOLA HOTEL AND RESTAURANT IN VASTO ( WHERE HE WASHES LOT AND LOT OF ASSASSIN MONEY IN A VERY EMERGING MAFIOSA PART OF SOUTH OF ITALY: MOLISE AND FOGGIA AREA).
    https://it.linkedin.com/in/angelo-bocchino-66180529
    SINCE VIEW DAYS I AM ALSO A BRAND NEW EXTREMELY REVOLUTIONARY INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALIST! ANTI STINKY NAZIFASCIST DONALD TRUMP, BORIS JOHNSON, THERESA MAY, NIGEL FARAGE, DAVIDE SERRA, MATTEO RENZI, MARIA ELENA BOSCHI, MATTEO SALVINI FROM LEGA LADRONA... TO NOT TALK BOUT EXTREMELY BASTARD PRINCIPAL OF MURDERS, SLAUGHTERS AND SUPER ASCERTAINED PEDOPHILE SILVIO BERLUSCONI... AS WELL AS MARINA BERLUSCONI, FEDELE CONFALONIERI, ENNIO DORIS, MASSIMO DORIS, ANDREA CINGOLI, EDOARDO LOMBARDI, ALBERTO NAGEL, PAOLO BARRAI FROM EXTREMELY CRIMINAL BLOCKCHAININVEST, WMO SA PANAMA, WMO SAGL LUGANO AND BSI ITALIA SRL, VIA SOCRATE 26 MILANO ( ALIAS NAZIMAFIOSA HOMICIDE TRANSVERSAL NEW P 2)!

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  2. BASTARD FUCKING NAZIST MAFIOSO PEDOPHILE ASSASSIN DONALD TRUMP, I HATE YOU. YOU STINKY ARROGANT BRAND NEW ADOLPH HITLER. CAREFUL TO THAT MEGA BITCH OF YOUR WIFE MELANIA TRUMP (SURELY YOU'VE FOUND HER IN THE WORST NEW YORK BORDELLOS). WHILE YOU WANK YOURSELF IN THE TOILETTES OF THE WHITE HOUSE, SHE FUCKS HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF GIGOLO' IN NEW YORK CITY!
    http://drunkenstepfather.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Melania-Trump-Naked-thefappening.so-0002.jpg

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  3. Hi, I really appreciate your inputs on my situation Dr happy and what could I do with-out you. Thank you in advance. I was in a relationship with this guy for the past 1 and a half year.. We became close real fast and were very serious about each other… he’s German and was in the country for his internship.. he left after first 6 months and came back after a couple of months.. he said that he had come down for me.. WE started living – in.. We discussed faMILY, KIDS, future, moving to EU together.. everything was going good until of last August when I started to get jealous about his moves, I got controlling and things started to get worse.. we spoke about it a lot of times where he expressed how he felt but I was not able to understand why I was doing that.. During our discussion I would always say I did .. This February he called it off and since then I have been a mess.. I gave it a lot of thought and realised my mistakes and why I was doing it.. I tried talking to him .. begged him.. pleaded him .. but he says that he has lost all his feelings for me and would never get back to me..I was in my knees praying looking for help, them i fine a comment online how a spell caster help to restored relationship get ex lover back, ” so i decided to give a try coz i love my boyfriend so much. so i contacted Dr happy http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ tell him all my problem and he gave me 100%guarantee that i will have my boyfriend back after the spell so i was gifted and lucky to have contacted him i did every thing he ask of me and to my greatest surprise a day after the spell my boyfriend call me and apology for what he did to me and ask for my forgiveness to come back again for me, we both are happily living together again plz Contact him urgently via......... happylovespell2@gmail.com or add him on whats-app +2348133873774 Junia Noel from USA

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  4. At last my happiness and joy has been restored as my husband who left me for another girl has finally come back good and still lovely to me , i want to use this time to give thanks to Dr Blessing who has use his love spell and prayers to bring back my ex lover and also share little about my rough story between me and my husband and the other girls , i got married to the man i loved Sanchez June 23 2013 and we have been together ever since and we have leaved happily we both have a daughter , but this year 2017 when has traveled to new York on a business things changed even when he was away he never called to say hi to me and my daughter and this was unlikely of him because he loves our daughter to sky , so i began to suspect something wasn't right, but i waited for he to return to me in Canada so i know what the problems was, only for Sanchez to come back asking for divorce at first i thought he was joking , but with time i saw he was so serious on this , i tried to plead with he but nothing changed , i called my mom telling her about the situation and she said to pray about it , i was depressed and devastated on this issues and was praying and looking for help to stop the divorce and save my marriage, i seek help with many persons non could help , i continue with the search of help because i knew and have the feelings my man was not on his right senses because i know the man i married can never ask me for a divorce, so i kept on looking for solutions i spent almost all my savings seeking solution , until the Juliana a working told me about Dr blessing of blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com, i never wanted to email him because many has taken money from me without giving any good result, but when he gave her words about Dr Blessing i decided to give it a trial , contacted him and told him about myself , he told me that he will have me to make my husband stop the divorce and reunite us again , that he gave me three days after which everything will be back to it normal place for good , i did some few things he said i should do as instructed , and let he do his work i was at work on the 15th of July about 10 AM when i received letter from my husband that my husband has cancelled the divorce case and same day at about 12 noon my husband wrote me a sweet text , and this was how me and my husband came back and today we are better as one family , so i want to use this means to tell to you all here contact Dr Blessing to for any kind of relationship or married problems and i let he solve it for you just as he has done for me , his contacts
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